Large quantities of cats vanishing without trace

Redditch England is the latest town complaining of large number of cat disappearances.

People are saying that

"there seems to have been too many cats going missing from a small geographical area in such a small space of time for it to be a coincidence"

and are putting it down to

"cats being stolen for the food industry because no bodies seem to be turning up, so they are not being run over, or maybe shot with pellet guns, so it seems they are simply being picked up and carried away".

It never ceases to amaze me that good-hearted intelligent people have simple solutions for sinister and unsolvable problems. It is very easy to dismiss the large number of missing cats as being human related but no one has contemplated how this can happen with no public disturbances, EVER? No dogs barking, no sign of cat traps lurking in bushes, no suspicious strangers wandering furtively in the area and no CCTV capturing anything out or the ordinary. And then what about the cats themselves? Not many cats are so laid back that they would agree to sit in a cage and be transported by strangers to a truck piled high with uncomplaining pussies (logic says has to be a truck or van to hold the large numbers of cats missing). If anyone has ever seen a trapped cat the noise made by their frantic escape attempts would definitely come to the attention of neighborhood dogs.

Which then makes us aware of other missing cats that have mysteriously disappeared within a small geographical area. Newspaper headlines like The Great Pussy Purge (France) or The Purr-muda Triangle (England) or Caterham Cluster (England) or Portland Missing Cats (USA) or Cat Owners Warning (USA) or Cats Disappearing by the Dozen (USA), Cats Gone to Food Industry and and, of course, the latest The Problem is Spreading (NY) This is only SOME of the newspaper reports. One area has discovered 60 cats disappearing over two months, the numbers bought to attention by an owner advertising their own missing animals.

If this is the number of REPORTED cats missing then it is obvious that the entire number vanishing off the planet must be a few hundred percent times greater because cats live in the background and the true numbers living in an area is very hard to gauge.

The cats that go missing are always outside, feral or tame; these are the ones that vanish.

Something sinister is at work here and it is not humans doing it.

Are humans responsible for the missing cat/half phenomena?

For anyone out there who has doubts about forces other than humans being involved in the demise of our cat population then try this.

Let’s set the scene - you are a weird type of person who hates cats and you are going to kill and mutilate as many as you can, and tonight will be a good night because you are feeling exceptionally mean.

Firstly dress yourself in dark clothing, don’t forget your flash light and good strong gloves, cats claws and teeth can be deadly, oh! and a net could be useful also a good sharp instrument, perhaps a sword or knife. Mmmm! I think you should take the van as well, it will help you get around the housing estate much quicker. Now there are some things you must be prepared for, not all cats will come to you and they are notoriously agile so be ready to do some hedge jumping, but do be quiet and do not make any dogs bark, this could attract unwanted attention.

It’s also handy to take a fold-up ladder just in case your quarry takes refuge up a tree; most of all though, avoid the Police patrols, it would be difficult to explain why you have the tools of a maniac in your van late at night and if you have been lucky enough to mutilate a cat, the blood on your clothing will arouse even further suspicion.

Let’s say you have caught a cat with your net; great you are drooling; now, do you take it out of town or kill it here? You decide you want to cut it into so out of town it is, but again avoid the Police, they might do spot checks. When the ugly deed is done you can return the top half of the cat to where you captured it, again though be careful you are not discovered.

Well you are really into this now, you got a real buzz out of that, let’s get another tomorrow night, I know, I will get one every night this week, that should upset people, and then next week I can drive to the next county 30-miles away every night next week and kill more cats, just avoid Police, barking dogs and curious people when you are spotted walking the streets with a net.

By the way you have to go work in the morning, or perhaps you do not have a job, then how do you hope to pay for petrol to take you on your nightly excursions.

Seriously now, think about how you, as a human, would go about cat abduction without getting caught? I have not tried the above, but I know cats and I know the task would not be very easy.

The English Cognizant Citizen